I’m in South Africa at the moment for the wedding of Liane Halton and Mike Fox, which happened on Wednesday. A stomach flu ripped through our camp in Knysna, getting us one by one. (Not me though, KNOCK ON WOOD.) That’s what this poem is about.
Thank you to Lauren Edwards and Daleen Halton for helping me with all the Saffaisms.
One programming note: I’ll be doing two poetry readings in Cape Town after the weekend. If you’re around, please consider swinging by:
Tuesday Oct 8: Book Lounge, reading from We Met in Beijing
Wednesday Oct 9: Tokai Public Library, with the Red Wheelbarrow Collective
~
The Wedding Bug
In Knysna a pocket of calm on the southern coast of Mzansi1
One by one the wedding party fell sick
First tannie2 Amy, nauseous off the jetty, who we took to calling
The Pestilence
Then Ryan, who drank up Stellenbosch3 but was not babelaas4, whose body failed
Limb by limb
We thought it might have been Beijing where we’d dropped from
But a bug was going around now now5
Definitely
Shredding the brasse6, dazing the kwaai7 cats
And bliksem8 it was rainy
And my fok9 it was chilly
And still
Everyone was happy
Eina!10 Dan got the spuitpoep11, but somehow not Jake his roommate
Hopping from phuza-hole to phuza-joint12
Who knows who else, wearing a phuza-face13,
Felt bleh
And the groom, Mike, got it at The Bell Tavern
Ag shame14, so did the bride, lovely Liane
Who asked if she should keck and forget, get it
Over with, like the wedding
At night she tossed and turned till her bokkie15
Let rip a baff16, which with its might and muster
Did the trick. Guess that’s what they mean,
In health and in sickness
One by one the wedding party fell sick
And it was funny and it was horrifying
And still
Everyone was happy
The locals were spared: La judged us weak buitelanders17,
The bridesmaids hid their mooi18 dresses, the groomsmen
In blue pants slipped sips of sherry
But Tiph got it, and Scott fell vrot19, and his partner Mariana
Labored with their son Kian through bacon and eggs
Not Palli the Viking though, smoking on the balcony,
No naar20 for Fraser, or skrik21 for Kelly, warming her hands over the braai22
Rich and Britt checked us skeef23, Daleen brought out remedies
Hau!24 nothing for the three Anthonys who ate hake and steak
Dala what you must25, bug
The music played, the doppie26 and entjie27 did so accumulate
The jol28 was befok29
What gees30, how many bodies said Ja31
And we scrubbed with soap and slept with the covers pulled tight
And everyone was happy, everyone was tjommie32
And eventually
The wedding happened
The chill blew south into the ocean
And the rains stopped scaling the berg
Amy the Pestilence said no sorrys
But maybe none were needed
Aweh33, ma se kind34, howzit35?
Everyone was happy, everything was hundreds36
And the sickness, it wandered off
Every which way under the newlywarm sun
South Africa
Auntie
A wine region near Cape Town
Hungover
From “nou-nou,” which can be used in future and immediate past tense, idiomatically meaning “soon”—which can mean anything from “in a little while” to “already done” to “never”
Group of friends
Cool
Literally, “lightning.” Used as an exclamation of surprise, shock, displeasure
“My fuck”
Expression of pain or distress
Diarrhea
Two ways of saying bar
A face after heavy drinking
An expression of pity
Sweetheart
Fart
Foreigners
Beautiful
Rotten, no good
Nausea
A sudden fright
South African grill
“Gave the side eye”; to look at someone suspiciously
An expression of anything from surprise to admiration to amusement to pleasure
“Do what you must”
Bottle cap or small beer
Cigarette butts
Party
Awesome, cool
Spirit
Yes
Chummy
A greeting. Also can be an affirmation
“Mother’s child,” i.e., dear friend
“How’s it going?”
Excellent
Ha! This is brilliant. Fair play on the footnotes alone. But also to compose a poem littered with colloquial terms that are not your own and to find the rhythm you did. Quite something!